


In the Shadows

by justforirishx



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Minor death, Romance, Stubborn Harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 10:47:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11160306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justforirishx/pseuds/justforirishx
Summary: Harry Styles and Casey WhiteThey’ve been best friends since they were toddlersThey’re now nineteen and Casey is joining Harry and the boys on tourHarry knows Casey has a crush on Liam… but will Harry help his best friendor try and keep her all for himself?





	1. Chapter 1

Fitting in was never something I was good at. I was always that girl that could never do anything right. I could never get As, I could never get into the good sports teams, I could never get the popular good looking guys to like me because well I wasn’t pretty, smart or perfect like the other girls in my year. I had one friend, his name – Harry Styles. Harry and I have known each other since we were toddlers because our Mums were best friends and my older brother Sam is a best friend to Harry’s sister Gemma.  
  
Growing up in Cheshire I lived a pretty sheltered life. My parents always managed to get Sam and I whatever we needed and could afford for us to try different activities. I dabbled in tennis, swimming, football, guitar and singing but like I said, I never excelled at anything. Sam was good at tennis and football, he even got a scholarship to Eton while I was stuck in Cheshire but that was okay because I had Harry. But honestly how long could I have really relied on Harry to stick around? He was destined for better things and when he auditioned for X Factor when we were sixteen I knew it was only the beginning for him.  
  
Now three years later Harry and the One Direction lads are heading off on their second world tour and I’m in Manchester studying Law. That was Harry and I’s original plan – to go to Manchester and study Law together but like I said, he was destined for better things and being part of One Direction was his destiny. Harry and I are still as close as we were as toddlers and we talked every day without fail no matter the time difference. I had been to many of his shows and even did a little bit of the last tour with him. There’s no way Harry and I would ever have feelings for each other, we knew each other too well however there is one person that I have feelings for – Liam James Payne. Except I have a feeling Liam has no idea, probably because I threatened Harry with death if he ever told Liam. There’s no way Liam could ever like me as more than a friend anyway – I’m not perfect, I’m not pretty, I’m not smart. All I am is broken.  
  
As I made my way to my Friday morning seven o’clock Psychology lecture, my iPhone buzzed in the pocket of my jeans. I pulled it out to see a text message from Harry. I was due to start touring with them for the remainder of their UK/Europe tour and I would be doing my subjects by correspondence. The boys were in Manchester for three shows and I would be starting my tour experience from here.  


**Harry Styles**  
_Morning Casey!_  
How are you babe?  
Ready for the show tonight?  
Paul is picking you up after your lecture this morning  
Can’t wait to see you.  
x H.

 _  
_**Casey White**  
_Styles!_  
I’m excellent just on my way to class  
I’m so excited my bag is packed and ready to go  
xx Casey

  
Enduring my two hour lecture of psychology was easier said than done. I was beyond excited about going on tour with the boys. It was always full of nights out, laughter and smiles and the odd look at Liam shirtless. Seeing Harry shirtless was like second nature to me and to be honest I had seen more than my fair share of Harry and his body parts. I’m not saying that Harry isn’t good looking because he certainly is attractive but he is like my brother. He was my first kiss when I was thirteen but that was about as romantic as we ever got.   
  
I made my way back to my dorm room where my belongings were all packed up to be stored when I get back. I had one large suitcase with my clothes and various electronic cords and my textbooks and a carry on suitcase with my laptop, SLR Camera, Pooh Bear toy and pillow. My handbag was all organised and I took those bags to the door of the dormitory block where Paul – the Tour Manager for the boys was waiting for me.  
“Hey Casey, nice to see you.”  
“You too Paul, thanks for coming to get me. I could have caught a cab.”  
“Like Harry would let you do that.” He smiled. “Are you ready to go?”  
“Yep, all ready to go.”  
“What about all your other things?”  
“The university is storing it for me.”  
“Oh that’s good of them. Okay let’s go, Harry can’t wait to see you he hasn’t stopped talking about it all morning. I think Louis was about to put gaffer tape over his mouth when I left.” Paul said as he helped me carry my bags out to the car that was waiting.  
“Something tells me I’m going to have a good time this tour.”  
“You sure are if Harry has anything to do with it. He’s already organised a bunch of stuff for you guys to do during the day before the shows.”  
“Classic Styles, always organised.”  
“Maybe you can convince him to be organised for shows for me.”  
“I’ll see what I can do.” I smiled as I got into the car.  
  
I text Harry as Paul and I drove out of the university grounds and I honestly could not contain my excitement.

  
**Harry Styles**  
_I’m on my way!_  
See you soon bestie  
x Case  
  


When we pulled up at the hotel the boys were staying at, I saw a crowd of girls waiting out the front of the hotel to catch a glimpse of the boys. Fans knew who I was because Harry had mentioned me in interviews and I had been spotted at concerts, I didn’t mind. The fans were generally pretty nice and easy to get along with.   
  
Paul helped me with my bags again and showed me up to the room I was staying in for the next three days. Paul swiped the key card in the door that read 674 and I walked in to find Harry and Louis playing Play Station.  
“Hey guys.” I said quietly.  
“CASEY!” Harry exclaimed discarding the controller and jumping off the bed and flinging his arms around me, knocking the wind out of my tiny frame.  
“Hey Styles.” I wheezed.   
“I missed you!”  
“I missed you too, let me go.”  
Harry let me go and kissed my forehead.  
“Hi Lou!” I said happily to Louis.  
“Hi Case, how was class this morning?”  
“Boring, I’m glad I’m here now!”  
“Well you’re sharing a room with Styles, have fun with that.” Louis replied. “I’ll leave you two to it.”  
“You can stay Lou, I want to go and say hi to the others. What rooms are Liam, Zayn and Nialler?”  
“Niall is 673 and Liam and Zayn are 675,” Harry replied.  
“Okay, I’ll be back in a minute.”  
“Have fun.” Harry smiled.  
  
**Harry**  
As Casey left the room to go and say hi to the other boys and probably spend a bit of time with Liam who she has liked for about six months, Louis brought up a topic I had been talking to him about for the last few hours.  
  
“So are you going to tell her Harry?” he asked.  
“She likes Liam and I think Liam likes her. I don’t want to damage my friendship with either of them.”  
“But you get first dibs on Casey, you’ve known her longer.”  
“Yeah but she thinks of me like a brother, she and Liam are much better suited to each other.”  
“Harry, for fucks sake if you want a chance with the girl forget about Liam and just ask her out.”  
“That’s easy for you to say, I have seventeen years of friendship with her… I can’t just throw that away because I suddenly find her attractive.”  
“Well have fun pining after her all tour while Liam probably makes her happy rather than you.”  
  
As much as I hated to admit it, Louis was right – I needed to tell Casey how I felt but I just wanted her to be happy and I knew Liam could probably make her happier than I ever could. Here’s to two months of being miserable while my best friend gets to be happy. **I’ll just wait in the shadows.**


	2. 2.

I went next door and knocked on Liam and Zayn’s hotel room door and Zayn appeared at the door still looking half asleep and dressed in just a pair of black boxers , all his tattoos on display.  
“Casey! You’re here.” He said giving me a hug  
“Yeah, I thought I’d come and say hi.”  
“Come in, Liam’s just in the shower.”  
I followed Zayn inside and sat on the edge of one of the beds.  
“Are you looking forward to two months full of crazy adventures?” Zayn asked.  
“Yeah it should be fun, it’s nice to be away from university for a while.”  
“How’s that going?”  
“Yeah okay, I keep to myself though. You know what I’m like.”  
“I still can’t understand how you and Harry get along so well. You’re complete opposites. He’s so out there and you’re so quiet.”  
“They say opposites attract Z.” I smiled.  
“Have you found yourself a boyfriend?”  
“Nah but I like someone.”  
“Oh who?” Zayn asked with his eyes wide  
“None of your beeswax Malik.” I laughed.  
  
I heard a door open, probably the bathroom door and I looked up to see Liam in just a white towel around his waist and his light brown hair flat against his scalp and looking through his suitcase for clothes, completely oblivious to the fact I was there. I felt my cheeks blush bright red and I’m pretty sure my brown eyes were wider than they’ve ever been. I mean its Liam Payne with steam from the shower still coming off his body… in a white towel.  
  
“Oh shit, hey Casey!” he said when he turned around from looking through his suitcase for clothes.  
“Hi Liam,” I smiled shyly.  
“When did you get here?”  
“About five minutes ago.”  
“Hang on two minutes I’ll change and I’ll give you a hug.” Liam smiled before he dashed off to the bathroom.  
  
Zayn looked at me with a knowing look… “It’s Liam isn’t it?” he asked with a whisper.  
“I have no idea what you’re talking about Zayn.” I said as I tucked a piece of my long brown hair behind my ear.  
“You like Liam! You went bright red when you saw him walk in… Don’t worry I won’t say anything but just so you know…” Zayn whispered before he heard the click of the bathroom door again.  
  
Liam appeared in the room dressed in a pair of tan chinos and a white v-neck shirt and his hair was now spiked up.  
“Come here Case!” Liam said with a smile and with his arms out for a hug.  
I got up and went over to him and hugged him tightly.  
“I’m glad you’re here Case, I really am.”  
“It’s so good to see you Li.” I said pulling away from him.  
“I’m sorry I haven’t spoken to you for a while, I just had to get through all that stuff with Danielle and it was a little harder than expected.”  
“That’s alright,” I replied with a smile.  
  
Liam had broken up with his girlfriend of two years – Danielle about two months ago and he didn’t take it too well for a while there. They had broken up a few months earlier but they got back together but obviously it just didn’t work the second time around.   
  
“How have things been?” Liam asked.  
“Yeah alright, just been working pretty hard at uni, I’m glad I’ve got a few months off.”  
“By the time the European tour is finished though you could nearly come with us to America,” Liam replied with enthusiasm.  
“I probably could but I’m sure you’d all be sick of me.” I replied.  
“Are you coming to the Matinee?” Zayn asked.  
“I assume so. What time are you heading off?” I asked.  
“In about half an hour, Zayn you better go shower,” Liam informed Zayn.  
“Alright, I’ll see you a bit later Case.” Zayn said getting up off the other bed and going into the bathroom.  
“Yep, see you Zayn.”  
  
“Do you want to come downstairs and grab some breakfast with me?” Liam asked.  
“Yeah, I’m a little hungry, I didn’t get time for breakfast.”  
“Alright, come on then,” Liam smiled as he grabbed his room key and his phone and we headed down to the hotel dining room to grab some breakfast.  
  
I think Liam is one of the most down to earth guys I have ever met. He doesn’t have an ego, he treats girls like they are princesses and he always tries to make sure he’s healthy and looks after himself no matter how hectic life gets. He’s always made time for me, especially when I went on tour with the boys last year. I was going through a particularly rough patch, I was getting a heap of hate from people I went to school with back in Cheshire telling me I wasn’t worthy of being friends with Harry, that I would never make a life for myself and I was using Harry to gain popularity which was so not true. I helped him through his first break up with Danielle and the two of us became really close, I was sure something was going to happen between us but by the time one of us could have made a move I had to go back to Manchester and he was planning on getting back together with Danielle.  
  
“How’s university been going Case?” Liam asked as we got food from the buffet.   
“It’s alright, I enjoy the work part of it but I still feel like I don’t fit in there. I feel like I fit in with you boys more than I’ve ever fit in anywhere else.”  
“We love it when you come on tour with us. I know Harry likes having you around. He misses you more than he lets on.” Liam replied as he piled scrambled eggs onto his plate.  
“I miss him too,” I sighed before I grabbed two pieces of toast and a packet of honey.  
“That’s all you’re having for breakfast?” Liam asked.  
“Yeah two pieces of toast and a cup of tea, that’s all I usually have.”  
“You’ll be starving by showtime.”  
“I’ll be fine.” I smiled.  
“Hey Case, do you want to go out for a drink with me after the show tonight?” Liam asked as we sat down at a table.  
“I’d like that,” I smiled.  
“Awesome.” Liam replied.  
  
Liam ordered two cups of tea from one of the staff and we began to quickly eat our breakfast so we’d have time to get our stuff before we were due to head off to the venue for soundcheck and the concert.  
  
Twenty minutes later Liam and I had finished our breakfast and we made our way back up to the rooms. I knocked on the door for Harry to let me in and he looked confused.  
“Where have you been?”  
“Down having breakfast with Liam, Dad.”  
“Well we’re going to the venue in ten minutes if you want to get changed because we’re not coming back here until about eleven tonight.”  
“I’m fine with what I’ve got on.”  
  
I had dressed in a pair of jeans and a black singlet and grey zip up hoodie and my vans. I was comfortable enough to last a lifetime.  
  
“I’d take something to do backstage because there’s a lot of waiting around.” Harry suggested.  
“I know Styles, I’ve been on tour before, I do remember.” I teased.  
“Okay, chill out.” Harry replied.  
  
I put my laptop and its charger, my phone, my camera and my wallet into my handbag and sat on the edge of one of the beds waiting for Harry to be ready to go.  
  
We all piled into the van at the back of the hotel and made our way to the venue. I was sitting next to Harry and we were catching up on what had been happening with the both of us. Liam was sitting behind me and I could hear him tapping away at his phone. I was looking forward to going and having a drink with Liam after the evening show, after all who knows what could happen.


	3. 3.

The vibe backstage at a One Direction show is intoxicating, the way the boys interact with each other and how excited they are before each and every show just makes your day better. Last time I was on tour and I was having a bad day all I had to do was sit backstage and watch Louis and Harry goof around or have a conversation with Niall or laugh at Liam getting cross at Louis and Harry for doing something illegal or inappropriate which happens more often than people realise.  
  
Before soundcheck, I was chilling in Harry’s dressing room and using the free wi-fi to talk to my brother Sam on Skype. Sam had joined the Army once he left Eton four years ago. He had the choice of joining the forces or studying Law at Oxford. As much as I think Mum wished he would choose Law at Oxford, Sam was always destined for Military life. He was in the cadet program at Eton and it was something he certainly excelled in. He was currently serving in Iraq and I honestly thought about him every single day. Other than Harry, Sam is my best friend in the whole entire world. Sam and I have always been close and been able to talk about absolutely anything. Finding time to talk to Sam on Skype can be frustrating but thankfully I had received an email the day before telling me what time to be logged onto Skype and ready. I clicked the video call button and within three rings Sam appeared on the screen. Sam and I look alike in some ways but in others we are so different. We have the same dark brown eyes and we both have quite broad shoulders but Sam is about six foot two and I’m five foot four, Sam has abs, I’m just too skinny with absolutely no muscle definition, Sam has blonde hair – well he did now it’s a buzz cut like Liam used to have and I have brown hair.  
  
Sam: Casey!  
Me: Hey Sammy, what’s happening?  
Sam: Not much, I just got in from PT. What are you up to?  
Me: I’m in Harry’s dressing room at Manchester Arena  
Sam: I forgot you were going on tour with the boys. How did your stuff at uni finish up?  
Me: Yeah fine, I’m glad to be having a break.  
Sam: Do you think you’ll keep going with Law?  
Me: Who knows, I’m going to make a decision at the end of the tour.  
Sam: What would you do instead?  
Me: Maybe management and get an internship with the boys’ management  
Sam: You’d be good at that.  
Me: Mmm, so any news from Iraq?  
Sam: No, nothing exciting. I’m going on leave in two weeks though so I’ll come and find you wherever you are in Europe.  
Harry (in background): We’ll be in London!  
Sam: Hey Styles  
Me: Harry go away.  
Sam: Okay so I’ll come visit you in London then. Listen Case I have to go. Behave and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.  
Me: That doesn’t leave much  
Sam: True, and hey make a move on Liam. Now’s the time.  
Me: You’re supposed to be warning me off boys Samuel, not encouraging me.  
Sam: You’re not a baby anymore. Have fun, I’ll email you in a few days.  
Me: Stay safe  
Sam: I will. I love you  
Me: I love you too Sammy.

 

I sighed and hung up, the video of Sam disappearing from my screen. Skype conversations between Sam and I happen maybe once every two weeks but we email each other every few days. I’m always worried something has happened to him, especially with him being on the front line. I’m so proud of him serving our country but I wish he was closer.  
  
I shut my laptop and put it on the couch and got up and hugged Harry who was sitting on the other couch.  
“Are you okay Case?”  
“Yeah, just talking to Sam makes me miss him,” I said tears threatening to fall. I nearly always cried when I spoke to Sam.  
“Well at least you get to see him in two weeks.”  
“I’ve learnt not to get my hopes up when it comes to Sam and leave. I’ve got my hopes up one too many times.”  
“Fair enough.”  
“How long until soundcheck?” I asked.  
“Fifteen minutes, I’m going to grab some food.”  
“Can I come?”  
“No you can’t.” Harry stated. “Of course you can silly. You don’t have to ask!”  
  
Harry and I went out to the main backstage area to find Liam sitting on one of the couches watching some music video channel and eating lunch.  
“Case, come sit with me.”  
“Hang on, I’m just getting some food.”  
  
I grabbed myself a plate of pasta and a can of diet coke and sat next to Liam on the couch.  
“What are you watching?” I asked.  
“Just random music videos, I’m too lazy to get up and change the channel. What have you been up to for the past hour?”  
“I was skyping my brother and just chilling with Harry.”  
“Is your brother still in Iraq?”  
“Yeah, he’s supposed to be on leave in two weeks but I’ve kind of learnt not to get my hopes up there.”  
“What do you mean?” Liam asked curiously.  
“Well a year ago he told me he would be home for leave in a week and then he got asked to stay back and didn’t tell me because he couldn’t get to a computer so I waited and waited at Heathrow for twelve hours for him to come home and he didn’t. I didn’t find out until the next day and I got really mad at him but he told me he couldn’t help that his platoon had a mission. So I’ve learnt now if he comes home he comes home. We’re meant to be in London when he gets back but I think he might to straight home to Holmeschapel.”  
“But surely if you tell him you want to see him he will make the effort.”  
“Oh yeah he would but he has to fit in seeing my parents, his girlfriend, Gemma and his other friends and I into two weeks and we’re all scattered all over the place.”  
“Ah okay.”  
  
It was hard for people to understand what it’s like to have a sibling or parent in the forces. I was only fifteen when Sam went off to basic training before Officer Training at Sandhurst. I was always worried about him but he always reassured me he was okay but when he was first deployed when I was seventeen, things changed between the two of us. I grew more attached to him where as he had to learn to let go and not worry about me as much. It hurt when he would be distant in our Skype conversations or emails or when he came home for leave he wouldn’t spend much time with me. I could never understand why until one night when he found me in tears he explained it to me. My biggest fear isn’t getting hurt in a romantic relationship, it’s losing my brother and all the hurt that comes with it.  
  
The matinee went off without a hitch and the boys came offstage with adrenaline pumping through their veins! Niall was going hyper with Louis, Harry and Zayn were play fighting and Liam was talking at a million miles an hour trying to explain the emotions he felt throughout the show to me. I had watched bits and pieces of the show but my favourite was when they sang Little Things. I always played Little Things when I was having a bad day, I think it’s the most played song on my iTunes.  
  
There was a four-hour break between the matinee and the evening show and I was torn about whether I should spend it with Liam or Harry. I didn’t want Liam to think I was too keen so I decided to go and have a nap in Harry’s dressing room but that didn’t come without a lecture from Harry about going drinking with Liam after the show.  
  
“Case, you know how hurt you got by Liam last time.” Harry said as he closed the door to his dressing room.  
“Harry I’m pretty sure Liam has moved on from Dani now, you’re not my Dad you can’t make my decisions for me.” I replied harshly.  
“But someone has to protect you and look out for you. I just don’t want you getting hurt again. I couldn’t stand seeing you cry when they got back together last time.”  
“For fuck’s sake Harry, we’re going out for a drink, not a date!” I exclaimed.  
“Well just be careful, I don’t want a call from either of you saying you’re legless and plastered.”  
“Harry, I’m not that irresponsible. I got plastered once, but nothing happened remember?” I stated.  
“Except the fact I had to send Paul to come and get you from a night club.”  
“Loosen up Harry. It’s just one drink with one of your band mates who I might remind you is one of the most sensible members of this band. I’ll be fine.” I said, just wanting Harry to get off my case.  
“Casey, it’s not that I don’t trust you or Liam I just don’t want you to get hurt.”  
“I’ll be fine, for Christ sakes Harry. If someone should be worried about one of our love lives, it should be me worrying about yours.”  
“Please don’t bring up Taylor, the boys have given me enough shit.”  
  



	4. 4.

**Liam**  
I just wanted to get through tonight’s show and take Casey out. I had had a thing for Casey for about three months now and I’d been trying to forget about it because I knew Harry fancied her but when I saw her sitting in my hotel room this morning all my feelings came rushing back. I figured I’d go for it and ask Casey to join me for a drink – it’s not like we’ve just met and I’m asking her out. We have a friendship behind us and I think that’s the most important thing when starting a relationship – to have a history of friendship. She may not like me back but I guess I’ll find out tonight.  
  
Harry’s dressing room was next to mine and I could hear Harry getting frustrated at Casey but I had no idea what about. I figured I had better not interrupt them, it wasn’t my place. Casey seemed a little upset about her brother when we were talking about him. She had spoken to me about how close she and Sam were the last time she came on tour and how much him being so far away from home affected her. I felt bad that I didn’t understand what she was going through and I wish I did know because it could have brought us so much closer together. I felt like I lost her a little last time but because I didn’t understand her connection with her brother.  
  
To be honest, I got back together with Danielle because I thought I had lost my chance with Casey and I’m the type of person who needs to be in a relationship. As someone once told me, I need to be part of a pair to feel whole and it’s so true. Getting back together with Danielle wasn’t exactly a mistake, I learnt a lot about myself in the process but I felt bad for dragging her through everything a second time over. We broke up on good terms but I don’t think we’ll ever be close like we were before.  
  
I went back out to the main backstage area and found Niall sitting playing his guitar, “What are you playing Nialler?”  
“Just messing around, are you okay?” he asked.  
“Yeah, I’m fine.”  
“Have you asked Casey out yet or do I have to do it for you?”  
“Nah I asked her for a drink after the show tonight.”  
“Has Harry lectured you about looking after her?”  
“I’m pretty sure he’s been lecturing her from what I heard.”  
“You two will be fine,” Niall smiled.  
“Yeah, hey do you want to go and kick the football around the moshpit?” I asked.  
“Sure, let’s go. Should we get Zayn and Lou?”  
“Yeah why not.” I replied before I went to get Zayn and Louis to go and kick the football.  
  
The evening show went off great, and Casey was watching from the side of the stage the whole time unlike the matinee. It gave me a little encouragement to sing my best and impress her. Harry kept throwing her glances and she just kept laughing at him when he was being stupid.   
  
After the show, we grabbed our things and headed back to the hotel. I gave Casey time to get changed and I had a shower because I was all sweaty and gross after the show. I changed into a pair of black jeans and a blue collared shirt and fixed up my hair. I grabbed my wallet, phone and room key and told Paul where I was going and went and knocked on Harry and Casey’s door.  
  
Harry answered the door dressed in his boxers, “Hey Liam, Casey will be out in a minute.”  
“Okay, no worries.”  
“Listen try and have her back at a decent hour.”  
“HARRY, SHUT UP!” I heard Casey call out from the bathroom.  
“Casey hurry up. You look fine, I promise.” Harry reassured her.  
  
Casey appeared from the bathroom dressed in a cute floral dress and cream heels and her long brown hair was straightened and she had the tiniest bit of make up on but it brought out her beautiful brown eyes.  
  
“Wow Case, you look amazing,” I smiled.  
“Thanks Li, you look handsome too.” She said giving me a hug.  
“Let’s go. See you later Harry.”  
“Don’t wait up Styles.” Casey told him.  
“I won’t, just be safe.”  


**Casey**  
Liam and I made our way down to the foyer of the hotel and found the car that Paul had organised and he opened the door for me to get in and I smiled at him before I slid in.  
“So where are we going?” I asked Liam.  
“Well I’m still full of energy to burn so I figured we could go dancing and have a few drinks.”  
“I’m keen for a bit of dancing, I know a good nightclub.”  
“Tell the driver where it is and we’ll go there.”  
“Just Space on New Wakefield Street.” I told the driver.  
“Okay, too easy.” The driver replied.  
  
“So is this where you go with uni friends?”  
“I don’t exactly have friends at uni but they often have student nights here so I go to them,” I smiled.  
“Awesome,” Liam replied.  
  
I had seen Liam dressed up on many an occasion but tonight for some reason he looked overly gorgeous. Like I could have taken him in the car but I knew that was a little inappropriate.   
  
When we pulled up at the nightclub Liam came around and opened my door and took my hand as we walked to the nightclub line. We waited about five minutes until we got to the front and flashed our IDs and got in. Liam and I made our way to the bar and I offered to buy our first drinks but he told me not to be stupid and ordered me a double shot vodka lemonade and a beer for himself. We found a couch that wasn’t taken and sat to have our drinks. Liam put his hand on my knee as we talked and I couldn’t help but smile.  
  
“Listen Casey I have to tell you something.” He yelled over the music.  
“Yeah.”  
“I really like you, like really, really like you.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes really, the only reason I got back together with Dani was because I thought I lost my chance with you.”  
“Trust me Liam, you’d never lose your chance with me. I like you heaps too.” I said into his ear  
“Good!” he grinned  
We finished our drinks and he took my hand and led me out to the dance floor. Some girls noticed him and tried to convince him to dance with them but being the gentleman he is he politely refused and he told them he was on a date. I couldn’t help but smile like a complete idiot. I was officially on a date with Liam James Payne!  
  
Liam wrapped his arms around my waist and I put mine around his neck, which was still a bit of a stretch seeing as Liam’s so tall, and I’m well tiny! I looked up at Liam and he smiled at me and leant down and his lips connected with mine.  
  
**Liam**  
Okay, wow. I’d never felt sparks like that before when I have kissed a girl. Yes I had chemistry with Danielle but nothing like what I have with Casey. I couldn’t help but pull her closer to me and kiss her again, this time a little more passionately. I could feel her smiling as we kissed which just egged me on even more. She pulled away and I kissed her forehead.  
“Wow.” She exclaimed.  
“That was so worth the wait Case,” I replied.  
“Yeah. “  
  
After a few more drinks and few more dances and plenty more heated kisses we decided it was probably time to head back to the hotel, after all it was four in the morning. In the car, I held Casey’s hand and continually kissed her on the cheek. You can’t blame me, it’s not my fault she’s too gorgeous and I’m probably too drunk for my own good.  
  
Back at the hotel I took Casey back to her room and kissed her goodnight on the cheek and told her I’d see her in the morning. She gave me a tight hug and stumbled into her and Harry’s room. When I got back to my room Zayn was awake and watching some Pay per View movie on our TV.  
“How did it go Payner?”  
“Amazing. We kissed… many times.”  
“Woo! I told you she liked you.”  
“She is so gorgeous.”  
“Aww Li-li is in love.”  
“Shut up Malik.”  
“Go and have a shower you smell like rum.”  
“Yes Dad.” I groaned before I grabbed my pyjamas and headed into the bathroom to shower away the stench of alcohol and brush my teeth.  
  
Once I was settled into bed ten minutes later, I sent Casey a quick text message

  
**Casey White**  
_Thanks for a great night Casey_  
Sleep tight beautiful  
xx Liam

Bring on the rest of the European tour… however I am not looking forward to the possible lecture from Harry for getting Casey home at 4am…


	5. 5.

**Casey**  
The next morning I woke up with a pounding headache and the sound of Harry talking loudly on the phone. I groaned and put the pillow over my head to try and drown out the sound. I heard Harry chuckle faintly and I took the pillow off my head and tried to throw it at him.  
  
“Fail Case. Listen sorry Mum I have to go. Casey is awake and grumpy. I love you too.”  
  
“I forgot how delightful you were in the morning Casey.”  
“I have a hangover, go away.” I groaned  
“What time did you and Liam get home last night?”  
“Four o’clock.” I replied.  
“You’re lucky we have the morning off until the matinee.”  
“I’d be feeling luckier if I didn’t have to put up with you being so cheery. Can you please be an amazing best friend and give me some Panadol and water?” I asked with a smile.  
“It comes at a price.”  
“What?” I asked frustrated.  
“Answer this question… Did you and Liam kiss last night?”  
“That dear Styles is none of your business. Just please give me some Panadol.”  
“Alright, because I’m amazing.”  
  
Harry got up off his bed and went over to his suitcase and rummaged through his wetpack and handed me two Panadol tablets and a water bottle from the mini bar.  
“Thanks Harry.”  
“No worries babe, I’m going to go and meet Louis for breakfast and then we’re going shopping. Go back to sleep.”  
“I will.”  
  
While Harry went to get ready to go and have breakfast and go exploring with Louis, I had a look at my phone to find a text from Liam.

  
**From: Liam Payne**  
_Hey Case_  
Hope you’re feeling okay.  
I just got in from the gym.  
Text me when you wake up  
I’ll come in and keep you company  
x Li.

Overachiever. It’s only eight o’clock and he’s been to the gym, I texted him back trying to not make myself sound hung over… with not much luck.  


**To: Liam Payne  
**_Hey Liam  
I’m awake, Harry is about to go for b’fast with Louis  
Come and give me cuddles and make this headache go away  
x  
  
_**From: Liam Payne**  
_I’ll be there in five._  
Just have to shower  
xoxo

 **** _  
_ Harry emerged from the bathroom dressed in a polo shirt and jeans and came over to me and kissed my forehead.  
“Be good and text me if you need me.”  
“I doubt I will but thanks Harry.”  
  
When Harry left the room I decided I’d better quickly have a shower before Liam came in. I looked at myself in the mirror and found my brown hair was all messy and I had forgotten to wipe my makeup off last night because I had just crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow.  
  
As the water washed over my body I couldn’t help but think about how much my life had changed. I never expected to be travelling around the UK and Europe with my best friend, kissing his band mate and being able to escape from being an outcast at a place where I don’t fit in. I looked down at my thighs and saw the white scars that reminded me constantly of all the nights were I fought an internal battle with myself. Harry has never known, Sam doesn’t know and my parents don’t know. I was diagnosed with depression when I was eighteen, just before I left for university. I decided I should go to the doctors and be put on medication because I was sick of fighting with myself. I fought the battle with self harm from the time I was sixteen until about four months ago. My anti depressants work some days and not others. Some nights they give me triggering nightmares but I’ve learnt how to control my urges.  
  
I washed myself and got out of the shower, feeling the steam around me keeping the room warm. I put on a pair of tracksuit pants and a shirt of Harry’s I took from his suitcase and some deodorant and went back out into the bedroom and turned on the TV.  
  
There was a knock on the door of our room and I opened it to find Liam standing there in a pair of tracksuit pants and a white tshirt.  
“Hey Case.”  
“Hey Liam, come on in.” I smiled.  
  
Liam walked into the room and put his arms out for a hug. I wrapped my arms around his torso and he wrapped his arms around my waist. He smelt so good, I’ve always liked whatever deodorant or aftershave he uses.  
  
“Do you want to watch a movie?” Liam asked.  
“Yeah sure.”  
“I know they have Skyfall on Pay per View.”  
“I love Skyfall.”  
“Skyfall it is then.”  
  
Liam and I squeezed together on the single bed I was sleeping in and he used the remote to pick Skyfall. As the movie started his arm went around my shoulders and I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat.  
  
Ten minutes into the movie, Harry came into the hotel room and saw Liam and I snuggled up with each other.  
“Ooo look at this,” Harry said wiggling his eyebrows  
“Shut up Styles, aren’t you meant to be at breakfast or shopping with Louis?” I said sitting up.  
“Yeah but I forgot my wallet. I think I might just stay here and watch Skyfall with you two.”  
“No actually you won’t Harry, go away.” I said angrily.  
“Nah, I like Skyfall.”  
I got up and grabbed Harry’s wallet from his bedside table, shoved it into his hand and pushed him out the door. I decided I’d have a word to him outside.  
  
“Don’t you dare pull shit like that with me.” I said with an angry tone in my voice and shoving Harry against the door once we were in the hallway.  
“Pull what shit Casey?”  
“That overprotective crap you pull. I’m not a child Harry.”  
“You’re snuggling with Liam after being on one date with him.”  
“At least I’m not you and just sleep with the girl as soon as I meet them. I have values Harry. I’m not going to sleep with Liam straight away. Hell Harry, I’m not a slut. You know that! I don’t even know what Liam and I are. So stop playing this overprotective best guy friend shit. I am not a child and Liam is a gentleman. If you dare give him a lecture Harry I will never forgive you. Just let me be happy please.” I said.  
“I want you to be happy Casey, that’s all I ever want. I just don’t want you getting hurt.”  
“Well right now Harry you’re hurting me. Just go shopping with Louis and leave me alone for a few hours.”  
  
Harry walked away, looking back at me as we walked towards the lift. I knocked on the door of the room and Liam let me in.  
He hugged me tightly as he shut the door and I started to cry.  
“Shh, Casey it’s okay.”  
“It’s just not fair, I never ever make judgments on the girls he likes even if they treat him badly.”  
“Just so you know Casey I won’t hurt you.”  
“I know Liam it’s just Harry feels the need to be like an overprotective older brother because Sam isn’t here to do it.”  
“Let’s get back to our movie hey? Forget all about Harry.” He smiled at me and kissed my forehead.  
We snuggled back into the position we were in and Liam started the movie again. As the movie went on the tension between Liam and I increased. It got to the part where Bond and Moneypenny were in the hotel room in Macaw and she was shaving Bond’s stubble. Liam looked at me and smirked. I could see him out of the corner of my eye so I looked up at him and he caught my bottom lip with his teeth lightly and then kissed me softly. He pushed me onto my back and decided to straddle me. He kissed me again and ran his hands up under my t-shirt. I got goose bumps and smirked as we kissed. I tugged on the hem of his shirt and he sat up and pulled his t-shirt off and I saw his abs. I smiled, and he leant back down and kissed me again.  
  
I pushed Liam so he would sit up and he looked at me confused.  
“Li, I really want to take this slow.”  
“Okay baby, come on let’s get back to the movie.” Liam smiled before he kissed my forehead and grabbed his t-shirt and put it on.   
  
“So Case, what do you think about the two of us being boyfriend and girlfriend?” Liam asked.  
“Yeah, that’d be cool but can we not make it completely public?”  
“Babe I have a feeling it’ll happen whether we like it or not but I’ll try and hold it off until you’re ready.”  
“Thanks Li.”  
“And I’ll have a chat to Harry and see if I can get him to back off,” Liam said kissing my cheek.  
“Thanks because I have a feeling he may get more overprotective the more serious this gets.”  
“That’s Haz for you.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Listen tomorrow we are going to Liverpool and the day after we have the day off. Do you want to go and get dinner and see a movie?”  
“Yeah I’d like that Liam.” I replied.  
“It’s a date then.” He said with a smile.  
  
Harry came back from shopping with Louis at midday and Liam had to go and get his stuff for the show. I told Harry I’d just stay at the hotel and get a cab to the show at night. He told me to call him when I got to the arena and he’d send Paul or one of the security guys to get me. I figured I needed a bit of alone time to process the whole Liam issue because I knew this could possibly change everything between Harry and I and of course my friendship and Harry’s friendship with Liam.


	6. 6.

**Sam  
** Two weeks, that was all I had to survive to get to Casey again. Iraq was starting to play on my mind. I had lost five close friends in combat and each day made it harder and harder to stay. But I knew I was destined for military life. I went through Eton College on a Football Scholarship from the time I was fourteen but I also got involved in their Army Cadet program and I was given the choice between Law at Oxford or Army Officer Training at Sandhurst. There really was no choice, so off I went to Sandhurst at eighteen and haven’t looked back.  
  
I was deployed to active duty for the first time when I was twenty and I was sent to Iraq. Casey didn’t cope too well at first. I got letters from her once a week saying how much she missed me. I had to learn to break my attachment with her and not make her rely on me which was tough especially because Harry had gone off to X Factor to purse his music career and he was the only friend she had left at home.  
  
It was really early on a Saturday morning and I could hear the Call to Prayer from our base camp. I got up and changed into my uniform and made my way to the mess for breakfast. In the middle of my bowl of cereal our commanding officer told us to go and prepare for patrol. There had been reports of insurgents in our patrol area overnight. I quickly discarded my breakfast and went to get my Kevlar, helmet, radio and gun and reported to my platoon for further instruction. We were assigned armoured vehicles and informed of our designated patrol areas. The locals near our base were generally appreciative of our presence and they tried their best to assist us in any way they could. They honestly just want their country to be back in working order and free from trouble.  
  
Part of the job of our patrol was detecting roadside bombs which might have been planted in the middle of the night was the riskiest part of the job. I wasn’t an engineer so that wasn’t part of my job but I had just as much of a chance of being injured or even killed by one. I had come close several times.   
  
As the engineers were trying to defuse the bombs I was standing guard making sure no civilians were injured. I was always anxious something would happen and I know that’s just part of the job but I knew I had to make it to leave – get back to England, see Casey, catch up with Gemma, see my girlfriend Luca and catch up with friends from Eton and of course visit Mum and Dad back in Cheshire.   
  
**Casey**  
When we got to Liverpool the next morning, the boys had interviews to do so I decided I’d catch up on some sleep and do a bit of university work and call Mum and Dad and see how they were doing.  
  
Dad: Hello James White speaking  
Me: Hey Daddy.  
Dad: Casey, how are you darl?  
Me: Good thanks, I’m in Liverpool at the moment  
Dad: That’s right you started touring with Harry. How’s that going?  
Me: It’s good, Liam asked me out yesterday.  
Dad: It’s about time you two got together. He better treat you well  
Me: I’m sure he will and I’m pretty sure Harry would tear him to pieces if he didn’t.  
Dad: That’s true. Did you hear Sammy is coming home next week?  
Me: Yeah I did.   
Dad: It’s exciting hey?  
Me: Yeah sure is. Hey is Mum around?  
Dad: No sorry love she’s at work but I’ll tell her you called.  
Me: Thanks Dad.  
Dad: I better go though gorgeous, I have to get to work.  
Me: Bye Daddy.  
Dad: I love you, stay safe  
Me: I will. Love you too.

 

I sighed and hung up the phone. I was always close with my Dad, I could tell him nearly anything but I always knew Samuel was his favourite. I mean he’s the only son, he’s in the army and he went to Eton. I was the youngest, the only girl and I went to the local high school and I’m at Manchester University. It’s not exactly proud material.  
  
Four hours later after far too much reading and writing of notes, Harry entered the room we were sharing with two Starbucks Chocolate frappachinos in hand.  
“I knew there was a reason we were best friends!” I exclaimed as I got up and hugged him and took my drink.  
“Someone has been busy.”  
“Yeah stupid constitutional law. How were your interviews?”  
“They were okay, I get sick of answering the same questions.”  
“Fair enough.”  
“Listen Liam wants to know if you want to go into his room and watch a movie for a while?”  
“What are you up to?”  
“I was going to have a sleep, what do you want to do?”  
“I want a sleep to. Can we do what we used to do?”  
“What? Snuggle and fall asleep?”  
“Yeah” I smiled.  
“Isn’t that a little weird because you two are dating now?” Harry asked.  
“Harry you’re like my brother, Liam knows that.”  
“Alright.” Harry smiled.  
  
I texted Liam and told him I was going to have a sleep and I’d see him at the concert later. Harry and I finished our drinks and thankfully there was a double and single bed in the room this time. Harry had graciously given me the double bed so I could spread my books out on it plus it was comfier. I took my books off and got into bed and snuggled in on my side. Harry did the same and wrapped his arm around my stomach and nuzzled his face into my neck.  
  
“I miss this Case, I really do.”  
“I miss you being around all the time. It’s nice getting to see you all the time. I’m sorry I keep going off at you about Liam but I really just want this to work out.”  
“I get that Case, I just want to protect you that’s all.”  
“I know and I appreciate it.”  
  
It didn’t take long and the both of us were fast asleep. That was until I heard my phone ring. I groaned and reached across to my bedside table to answer it.  
  
Me: Hello Casey White speaking  
Caller: Case… it’s Mum.  
Mum was in tears from the sound of her voice.  
Me: Mum, what’s wrong?  
Mum: It’s Sam.  
Me: What’s Sam Mum?  
Mum: He’s… he’s dead.  
  
I sat up  
Me: What? How?  
My voice was shaking.  
Mum: He… he was out on… his patrol… they were diffusing bombs and … one went off… he died instantly.  
Me: I’ll… I’ll come home  
Mum: No Casey, stay where you are. We’ll call you when you need to come home. Just please don’t do anything irrational and call me if you need me.  


Mum hung up and I put my phone down and my tears started to fall. Harry was still fast asleep and I didn’t want to wake him up so I took a room key and went to Liam’s room and knocked on the door loudly. Tears still falling down my face.  
Liam answered the door and he took me straight into his arms when he saw me crying.


	7. 7.

“Casey what’s wrong?”  
“Sam.” I sobbed muffled into Liam’s chest.  
“What about Sam baby?” he asked stroking my hair.  
“He… he… he died.” I sobbed.  
Liam led me to the bed and gestured for me to lie down. He laid down beside me and I put my head on his chest and just sobbed. Liam just laid there and stroked my hair and tried to settle me down but there was no hope of that.   
About half an hour later I had run out of tears and I curled up next to Liam and shut my eyes and fell asleep to the sound of Liam singing Little Things softly.  
  
I woke up to the sound of Liam and Harry talking and I sat up and Harry came and gave me a hug.  
“Case why didn’t you come and wake me up?”  
“You were fast asleep and I didn’t want to wake you up.”  
“Oh baby, I’m so sorry.”  
“I just can’t believe it, he was supposed to be coming home!” I said sobbing.  
“I wish there was something we could do Case.” Harry said cradling me in his arms.  
“I need to go home Harry, I have to be with Mum and Dad.”  
“It’s okay Case. I understand that. We’ll put you on the train home in the morning okay?”  
I nodded then moved out of Harry’s grasp and walked back to Harry and I’s room. I shut the door and went out onto the balcony.   
  
I couldn’t believe Sam was gone, he was my best friend and the only brother I had! I always worried when he was in Iraq… now I knew why. I knew this job was dangerous but he always used to reassure me he knew what he was doing. Mum and Dad never understood the connection Sam and I had.   
  
After a while of sitting on the balcony on my own, I heard the balcony door open and I turned around to see Liam standing there. He sat down next to me and put his arm around me. I put my head on his shoulder and just sobbed. Liam kissed my temple and whispered, “I wish I could help you Casey, I really do.”  
“You being here is help enough Li.” I sobbed in reply.  
“Come inside baby, it’s cold out here,” he stated.  
Liam helped me up and we went back into Harry and I’s room and Liam and I cuddled on my bed until Harry came into the room with dinner.  
  
“Case, I want you to have something to eat.” Harry said.  
“I’m not hungry.”  
“Case, I know you’re upset but you do need to eat.”  
“Harry. I’m not fucking hungry, leave me alone!” I growled before I buried my face into Liam’s chest and just burst into tears again.   
“I’ll go and sleep in Zayn’s room.” Harry sighed before he left the room.  
  
The next morning the boys had the day off but I had to get home to Holmeschapel to be with Mum and Dad. Harry and Liam took me to the train station and I promised them both I would call them if I needed them. Harry said he would come to Holmeschapel for the funeral and to let me know the date of it as soon as I knew. I felt awful for lashing out at Harry but grief does strange things to people.  
  
When I arrived in Holmeschapel a few hours later I caught a taxi to my house and knocked on the front door. My Mum answered and took me into her arms as soon as she saw me.  
“Baby, I told you not to come home.”  
“I can’t not come home Mum. I need to be here with you guys.”  
“Come on baby girl, come inside.”  
  
I went inside and I found my Dad sitting in the lounge room and I went up to him and hugged him tightly.  
“Hey Daddy.”  
“Casey, I’m so glad you’re here.” He said sadly.  
“I can’t believe this is happening.” I replied.  
“I know baby girl, I can’t believe it either.”  
“Have we heard anymore from the Defence Force?” I asked both Mum and Dad  
“No not really, we’re hoping we will today. We want to have the funeral here,”  
“Harry said he would come for the funeral we just need to let him know the date as soon as we can.”  
“Of course baby and Case, we want you to go back on tour with the boys after the funeral. You need to go and be with them.”  
“But I can do that another time.”  
“Casey, we’re not debating this. You’re going back on tour with Harry and also we want you to drop out of University.”  
“What? You guys are the ones who wanted me to go and study Law.”  
“Well we want you to do what makes you happy and we both know how happy you are being around Harry and the boys. Who knows you could get a job with them as their assistant or something.”  
“I’m pretty sure they’d get sick of me.”  
  
That night Mum ordered our favourite Chinese take away and we sat around the dining room table discussing what we wanted to have in Samuel’s funeral. I told them I wanted to say something about him from my perspective and they wanted to say something about him too. The funeral was in two days at the local church here in Holmeschapel. The Army had agreed to have it here much to the delight of Mum and Dad.  
  
The morning of the funeral arrived and in my time back in Holmeschapel, I tried to avoid going into Samuel’s childhood bedroom and going to the places we used to go. I spent most of the time in my room texting Liam and Harry or writing in my journal. The morning of the funeral I was woken by a knock on my bedroom door. I groaned and put my face into my pillow hoping to block out the sound.   
  
I then felt someone playing with my hair and kiss the back of my neck. I turned my head to see Liam sitting on my bed in a white shirt and black tie.  
“What are you doing here?” I asked sleepily.  
“I couldn’t not come and support you today bub. Harry is downstairs too but you have to get up and get ready.”  
“But if we go it means Sam is actually gone,” I sighed. “Can we just cuddle for a while?”  
“We have an hour until we have to be at the church baby. Come on, up and at ‘em.”  
I groaned and sat up to get out of bed. Liam put his arms out and I hugged him and he kissed the top of my head. He let me go and walked towards my bedroom door, “I’ll wait downstairs for you baby.”  
  
I went over to my cupboard and pulled out my favourite black skirt and white singlet and leather jacket and black wedges. I went into my bathroom and had a shower and washed my dark brown hair. Once I was out and changed, I blow dried my hair and straightened it then went downstairs and saw Harry standing there in a suit with a black shirt and white tie. I went over to him and hugged him tightly.  
  
“How are you going Case?”  
“I don’t want to go.”  
“We’ll be there supporting you Casey, we promise. Are you coming back on tour with us this afternoon?” Harry asked.  
“I don’t think Mum and Dad are really giving me a choice.” I sighed as I went to get myself a drink from the fridge.  
“Casey we’re going to make sure you are able to come home at a moments notice if you feel the need to and everyone on the tour wants to make sure you’re okay and we’ll have access to a councillor for you and anything you need,” Liam explained.  
“You guys really don’t have to go to all that trouble for me.”  
“Case, you mean so much to all of us, not just Liam and I. We want you on tour with us and if that’s what it takes for us to get you to come then that’s what we’ll do.”  
I put down my orange juice and pulled both Liam and Harry into a hug.  
“I love you guys, you’re the best.”  
“It’s not a worry Casey.” Liam smiled.  
  
When we arrived at the Church, Liam and Harry went and took their seats while Mum, Dad and I greeted people before they walked into the Church. Members of the Army arrived in uniform and it was almost like seeing Samuel. I had to excuse myself and make my way inside to sit with Harry and Liam at the front of the church. I sat next to Harry and pulled out my speech I had prepared from my handbag and went over it in my head one more time before the service was to start.  
  
When Samuel’s flag drapped coffin made its way to the front of the Church carried by five soldiers and Dad, Mum and I broke down in tears and you could see Liam and Harry’s eyes start to water. Up on the projector screen was a photo of Samuel in his Eton Uniform on his first day and in his military uniform on his first day of Officer Training at Sandhurst. In everything Samuel did he looked so official and professional but when the two of us were together he was a completely different person.  
  
Half way through the funeral, it was my turn to go up and speak about Samuel. On the projector a photo of Harry, Samuel and I appeared, all dressed in Manchester United jerseys and another photo of Harry and I standing next to Samuel before he was to leave for Sandhurst.   
  
I took a deep breath and looked out to the crowd of people who had come to remember and say goodbye to my brother. There were ex Eton boys, Sandhurst boys, other Army members, girls he went to school with in Cheshire and family friends of ours. Then I locked eyes with Liam and I began my speech.  
  
_How do I describe Samuel Alexander James White? Soldier? Protector? Sports man? Brother? Son? Friend? Lover? Fighter? Passionate? A lover of his country? Fun? Serious? Professional? How about I just tell you how Samuel is all of those things to me – well not a son but you know what I mean. Samuel Alexander James White was born on November 3 1990 here in Cheshire to James and Lucy White. When I came along on July 3 1994, Samuel protected me like there was no tomorrow. He carried me everywhere until I was three, he tried to teach me how to play sport with him, he taught me how to run, he taught me how to catch a ball and how to kick a ball. If I was ever having boy or friend problems I could go and talk to him and he’d take both an overprotective older brother response and a friend response giving me two perspectives to look at things from. When Samuel signed up to the Army I was worried I’d never get to see him again when he went to War. Three years he’s been away and now he’s never coming back. All Samuel wanted from his career in the Army was to protect and fight for his country and the rights of people in countries they were trying to protect and make safe. Samuel believed that everyone deserved the right to an equal education and he always told me that when he eventually was to leave the Army he wanted to become a teacher and go and teach disadvantaged children in war torn countries. Samuel was a special person, you don’t find many people like him around. He was my brother, my confidant and my all time best friend. I’ll never get to sit up late with him again, I’ll never get to Skype with him again, I’ll never get to confide in him about my problems and most importantly I’ll never be able to hug him and hold him in my arms. Rest in Peace Sammy, I love you so much and I am so god damn proud of you!  
  
_ My voice cracked and wavered throughout the speech and by the end I was just letting the tears fall. When I made my way down to my seat, Liam kissed my forehead and Harry kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear, “I’m so proud of you Casey.”  
  
The most heart wrenching moment of the funeral was when Dad and the same five soldiers who carried it in carried out Samuel’s coffin back to the hearse. Mum laid her hands on Samuel’s coffin as they passed and she was a sobbing mess.  When we went out to put a blessing over the coffin, Liam had his arms around my waist as I sprinkled the holy water over the coffin. I moved out of his grip to kiss the coffin and say my last goodbye.  
  
I was excused from the wake as the Army was putting that on and Mum and Dad wanted me to head off with Liam and Harry so they could be back in London in time for their concert that night. When I went into my room to change into a pair of jeans and tshirt, I dug through my drawers and found my blade I had hidden before I went on tour and I shut and locked my door and sat on my bed and dug the blade into the skin of my thighs. I didn’t even wince anymore. I added to the scars I had created since I had been home and I cleaned the blood up and put the jeans on and grabbed my things and went down to Harry’s Range Rover that was waiting out the front. I had to try not to grimace every time I walked because my jeans were rubbing my fresh cuts and I didn’t want to give it away to Harry and Liam. I got into the back and got a pillow from the boot and put it up against the window and I planned to sleep the whole three and a half hour trip back to London. I put my iPod earphones in and turned on some Ed Sheeran and fell straight to sleep. I don’t really dream when I sleep, I occasionally have nightmares but this time, what felt like as soon as I closed my eyes Samuel appeared. He was dressed in his combat uniform and we were sitting on the steps of our house talking but I couldn’t hear what he was saying, then I could hear what he said when he stood up to look at me…  
  
_I’m so proud of that speech you made Casey. I want you to make the most of your time with Harry and the boys okay? Don’t stress about me, I’m okay now. I’m happy up here in heaven. It’s full of 24/7 football and pretty girls. I’ll be fine. Take a chance with Liam, let him in and please Case, please. Don’t hurt yourself._  
  
I woke up with a fright and yelled out “SAM!” The car screeched to a stop on the side of the road.  
“Casey, are you okay?” Harry and Liam asked in unison looking back at me  
“Just… Just a dream.”  
“What happened?” Liam asked.  
“Just Samuel talking to me. It’s okay. Harry keep driving or we’ll never get back in time for the show.”  
“We’ll be fine Case, we’re going to stop in a minute for some McDonalds and so Liam can drive, do you want anything?” Harry asked  
“I’d love a frozen Coke.”  
“Too easy.” Harry smiled before he turned his attention back to the road and pulled back out on to the motorway.  
  
This grieving process was going to be long, hard and I had a feeling I could isolate myself and make this harder…


End file.
